Cockroaches and Namagomi
by Priya-chan
Summary: Everyone has a snapping point. Even Xellos. I mean, you can only be called Namagomi so many times...


Cockroaches and Namagomi

By Priya-chan

*HUGE thanks go out to my beta readers, Handsome Puppy, Ryoko and Miss Fi. I love you guys! *

Disclaimer: I do not own. 

~~~

"NAMAGOMI!!!!! Get away from my son!" 

Needless to say Filia was having a bad morning.

Xellos looked up in rare confusion. "Ano, Filia-san…. Val-chan is on the other side of the room."

"I don't care! Your very PRESENCE is corrupting him! My poor baby. Has that filthy namagomi hurt you?" Filia crossed the room and coddled young Val in her arms. Val just blinked in confusion. 

"Don't - "

"And I'll make sure he never comes near you again!" Filia did an about face. "You are not welcome here, Xellos. Leave."

"Yare, yare. You dragons are so selfish. I just came for a packet of tea leaves." Xellos grinned. 

Filia sniffed. "I highly doubt that."

A cheek muscle twitched. "I don't lie, Filia-san."

"Then what did you leave out?"

Crap. Trapped. Last resort. "Sore wa himitsu desu!"

"NAMAGOMI!!!!" The ever-present mace made its nth appearance. She swung fiercely destroying an unfortunate table.

"HAH! MISSED!"

"Hold still! You'll be subjected to more than enough pain!"

"How mazoku-ish, Fi-chan! You'll learn yet!"

"NAMA- "

Something in him snapped. Xellos opened his eyes and caught the mace in his hands. "Do not call me that, Filia-san."

She stared at him wide-eyed. 

"I'm serious. And to ensure that this habit is broken, I will take this." He plucked the mace out of her hands like a mere toy. "I shall return it when you stop calling me 'namagomi'." With that he phased out of the shop leaving Filia momentarily speechless.

"NAMA- " 

_"What a great start, Fi-chan."_ Xellos's voice came out of nowhere. _"You'll get your mace back in no time, I can tell."_

Filia seethed. Her tail stuck straight up. She contemplated dragging Xellos to Amelia's next birthday party. Oh the horror. Oh the inhumanity. Oh the amusement. _"Well then, Xellos. We'll play on your terms."_

~~~

The next morning, Filia went about her routine as usual. She gave Val his breakfast, sent him to school, cleaned the front steps, hung the open sign, tried to kill Xellos…

"What have I ever done to you?!"

Xellos smirked and put up a finger. "Sore wa- "

"Shut. Up." 

"But, Fi-chan, you're so amusing to annoy!"

"Don't you have Lina-san to follow or a rabbit to kill?"

"Sore wa- "

"I hate you."

"And I loooooove you."

An eye muscle twitched. A golden glow brightened the already bright room. A large gold _thing_ was seen rampaging through the town moments afterward. Eyewitnesses claimed that it was playing hopscotch in the town square. 

It was a normal, peaceful morning.

~~~

"Mama, mama! I need your help!" a young voice cut into Filia's thoughts.

"What?" she growled. "Has that _thing_ been bothering you?!"

Val looked puzzled. "No. I got a project in science class today. I need help with it," he reiterated.

"Oh." She visibly relaxed. "What is it on, Val-chan?"

"Bugs."

"Bugs," she repeated.

He nodded. "Bugs."

"Bugs." A look of loathing crossed her face.

"Bugs." He nodded again. His mother knew everything about everything!

This is the scene Xellos stumbled into. 

"Bugs, Val-chan?"

"Bugs."

"I don't think your mother knows much about them." This statement brought Filia back from her inner world. 

"I do too!"

"Do not."

"Says who?"

"Says me."

Val watched the volley between his 'parents' get louder and more obscure. 

"Prove it!" Xellos's singsong voice emerged.

"I'LL PROVE IT ALL RIGHT!!!!"

It never failed to rile her.

~~~

"How goes the research, Fi-chan?"

"Very well. Now if you will move to the other side of the planet…"

"Still haven't learned, have you?" he smirked.

She smirked back at him. "Sore wa himitsu desu."

"Please don't fight in the library," Val pleaded with the two incredibly "mature" adults.

"Of course not, Val-chan," they both responded at the same time. A glaring match ensued. Val sighed. At least they weren't drawing attention…

"Hah! I won!"

"You never even opened your eyes!"

…yet.

~~~

"So you see, Val-chan. They breed in dark, filthy places like the sewer. They come in large varieties, none of them pleasant to look at. They are also the very antithesis of sanitation and you never want to let one near you. Always kill it upon sight because it might breed even more ugly creatures. They are useful to no one."

Filia paused while her son scribbled furiously. 

"Yare, yare, Fi-chan. So you DID get some research done!" Upturned eyes filled her vision. 

Startled out of her wits, the dragoness had to regroup her thoughts. She turned to Val and gravely said, "They are repulsive, annoying, and hard to kill." She turned back to Xellos.

"I've gone three weeks without calling you raw garbage."

Xellos nodded cautiously. 

"So I deserve to get my mace back."

Again he nodded. A calm Filia was not a good Filia. 

She stuck out her hand. "Hand it over, cockroach."

~~~

Val watched the interaction between his adopted parents. He was worried for them. After all, his mother looked… evil, to say the least. And Xellos… he hoped his father's face wouldn't freeze that way. He'd be forever known as "the mazoku with his head cocked at a funny angle".

Adults were such strange creatures.

-Fini-

* * *

A/N: Did you like it? This was my first attempt at a lighthearted, humorous fic! Please be kind with your reviews. *cheshire cat grin*


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